If I were to be totally honest with myself, I would say that the word deliberate usually causes me to consider a need for intentional planning or scheduling of some sort. Somehow that word causes me to instinctively consider the tasks that are consistently in my mind or nipping at my heels. Should I make the chocolate chip cookies for after school snacks to deliberately demonstrate that I am thinking of them, am excited to hear about their day and know what they love and warm their heart? Or, should I put out a veggie tray with hummus to deliberately demonstrate that I am thinking of them, am excited to hear about their day and know what is best for their physical body? The word deliberate means “to weigh”, “to consider” and “to examine the reason for or against.” Being deliberate is directly connected both to choice and to consequence. So, what then do we mean by the phrase deliberate discipleship??

I’m sure you have all heard the phrase that much of what is learned in life is “caught not taught.” As a parent that thought can stop you in your tracks like a rattlesnake on a trail if you sincerely stopped to consider the weight of that truth. (No pun intended) Our children are watching ALL THE TIME. They are picking up what we are laying down whether we are aware of it or not. With that in mind I have to ask myself. “Am I more deliberate about what I do during the day than about who I am”?

Homemade cookies are a wonderful treat but they are no substitute for an encouraging word spoken from a sincere heart. Healthy veggies are wonderful for building a heathy habit, but they can’t overcome the damage of toxic, demanding or harsh communication filled with expectations of perfection. Being deliberate with love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness and self-control means making intentional choices to demonstrate Jesus to your children. These are the fruit of Gods spirit and they are fully available to us at all times. In our hurried, busied life we do not always “feel” joyful or peaceful. But we can deliberately disciple our children by overcoming how we “feel” by choosing faith and trust in place of frustration and anxiety. The former builds joy and peace, the latter destroys them. I confess that gentleness is often a stretch for me…….directness can come across as lacking empathy at times. Choosing to gently encourage before launching into a solution builds relationship opens hearts to hear other perspectives. It is critical that we take the time to consider how we are leading the children God has entrusted to us because they ARE following our lead. We must first be deliberate with how we live if we want to be deliberate with the lessons we give. Our personal choices are the foundation of any and all teaching and training we hope to impart. Practice what you plan to preach. The definition of leader is one who goes first. When they have seen you demonstrate what they hear you teach the door is open to train them up in the way they should go.

1. Consider one area of growth or correction you are praying for on behalf of your child. Ask God to show you one way you can deliberately demonstrate the outcome you are praying for on their behalf. ( ex. You are praying for patience for your daughter. How can you demonstrate an increase of patience in your own walk?)
2. Name a value you would like to instill in your children. What choices can you make and discuss that would lay the groundwork for this value to become central in each of your children? (I value honesty. How can I demonstrate and discuss honesty in my own life and what impactful stories can I share pertaining to honesty?)
3. For the next week end your day by considering what seeds you planted with your words, actions and choices. Thank God for and ask Him to grow the good seeds. Ask God to root up and protect your children from growing in the unintended seeds that were scattered without thought. If you need to go back to your children and confess, rent and ask for forgiveness……run don’t walk. God will honor your humility!